50 Offensive Jokes

1 – Pedophiles are fucking immature assholes
2 – My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “No, your generation relies too much on technology!” Then I unplugged his life support.
3 – What’s the difference between a woman and a computer? You only have to punch information into a computer once.
4 – Jesus Christ fed 2,000 people with 5 loaves of bread and 2 fish, but Adolf Hitler made 6 million Jews toast.
5 – What’s the worst thing about breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice before she gets the message.
6 – How do you get a gay guy to fuck a woman? Shit in her cunt.
7 – What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? GLOVES! Nah, just kidding… He still hasn’t unwrapped his present.
8 – How do Ethiopians celebrate their kids first birthday? By putting flowers on the grave.
9 – How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.
10 – How can you tell if your wife is dead? The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
11 – Why do Mexicans never have Sex Ed and Driver’s Ed on the same day? They have to give the donkey a break at some point.
12 – Feminism
13 – So I suggested to my wife that she’d look sexier with her hair back… Which is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.
14 – How did Hitler kill so many Jews? Free transportation
15 – How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? Don’t be stupid, feminists can’t change anything.
16 – What is a pedophiles favorite part about Halloween? Free delivery.
17 – So I painted my laptop black, hoping it would run faster… Now it doesn’t work.
18 – Say what you want about pedophiles but they do drive slower through school zones
19 – What’s the difference between a gay man and a freezer? A freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out.
20 – What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing you already done told her twice.
21 – What’s white on top and black on bottom? US culture
22 – Why do Jews have big noses? Because air is free.
23 – What happened when the Jew walked into the wall with a hard-on? He broke his nose.
24 – How long does it take for a black woman to take a shit? Nine months.
25 – How do you get a nun pregnant? Dress her up like an altar boy.
26 – How many Jews can you fit into a car? 2 in the front, 3 in the back, and 5,999,995 in the ashtray
27 – How many women does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, they just sit in the dark and bitch.
28 – What do spinach and anal sex have in common? If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’ll hate it as an adult.
29 – What’s the worst thing about being black and Jewish? Having to sit in the back of the oven.
30 – What’s a pedophile’s favorite part of a hockey game? Before the First Period.
31 – How do you swat 200 flies at one time? Hit an Ethiopian in the face with a frying pan.
32 – What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex? The 9-year-old girl in my basement.
33 – How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb? One, she just holds the bulb to the socket and waits for the world to revolve around her.
34 – What’s the difference between jelly and jam? I can’t jelly my dick down a baby’s throat.
35 – Why does Stephen Hawking do one-liners? Because he can’t do stand up.
36 – Did you hear the Score of the Egypt vs Ethiopia soccer game? Egypt 8, Ethiopia didn’t.
37 – How many cops does it take to change a light bulb? They don’t. They arrest the bulb for being broke and beat the room for being black.
38 – What’s 9 inches long, pink, and makes my girlfriend scream when I put it in her mouth? Her miscarriage.
39 – What’s the hardest part of eating bald pussy? Getting the diaper back on.
40 – What’s the difference between dollars and Jews? I’d give a shit if I lost 6 million dollars.
41 – 9 out of 10 people enjoy gang rape
42 – What’s the best part about fucking a 12-year-old girl? If you flip her over she looks like her little brother
43 – What do you get when you cross goat DNA with human DNA? You get kicked out of the petting zoo.
44 – I don’t understand why Obama has to give his speeches behind bullet proof glass. I mean, I know he’s black and all, but I doubt he’ll shoot anyone.
45 – What’s the difference between a Jew and Harry Potter? Harry can escape the chamber.
46 – What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? Wrong.
47 – What’s the difference between black people and snow tires? A: A snow tire doesn’t sing when you put chains on it.
48 – What’s the difference between cancer and black people? Cancer got Jobs.
49 – What do Sarah Palin and Iron Man have in common? They both had a Downey Jr. inside of them.
50 – A black, a Muslim and a Mexican jump off a cliff to see who gets to the bottom first. Who wins? A: Society.